Running had always been the dreaded topic of conversation. Growing up with a sister 10 years older than you really makes being competitive hard – especially when she was the high school track and cross country star! I had a lot to look up to, and compare myself to…even though I was only between the ages of 5 and 8. I wanted to be just like her. Popular, in band, and a runner. While perhaps I may not have been the MOST popular person, by the time I got to high school I still had very large and varied friend groups, and lo and behold, I was also in band. Following the footsteps my sister made for me 10 years before. But the one thing I hated the most was running.

I was diagnosed with moderate-severe asthma, both exercise and illness induced, around the 3rd grade. Even running a single lap around the track for elementary PE class was enough to send me into an asthmatic episode. But in middle school, a friend of mine bugged me to join track, and still wanting to be like my sister, I tried it out. I signed up for hurdles and discus. Not great ideas! I was not a runner at all, and I was short! There was no way I could make it over the hurdles. Discus was not much better with success! After that season, I said no thanks to any running whatsoever.

Fast forward to college, I wanted to start getting into better physical shape. I went to the student rec center a couple of times to run, but it never stuck. I did a 5k and it felt terrible! After moving back home to Mukilteo, I decided to join a fitness studio; my coach and fellow classmates there pushed me to sign up for a couple 5k’s and 10k’s. With ZERO running training, it was hard! And my asthma still played up. I still told myself, I can never be a runner with asthma. Yet again, running dropped off completely for me. I loved the activity, but just hated the feeling.

During the pandemic, I became extremely anxious without having the word to describe it. After the physical symptoms of anxiety became too much, I finally went to the doctor where I finally put a name to what had been ailing me. I had been locked up in my house for over a year at this point. During this time I was gifted a new treadmill for graduating with my master’s degree that had been delivered but remained unassembled after several months. I finally got the machine assembled and began to walk, hike, then lightly run through the digital training program it came with. With baby steps, I began feeling more and more comfortable with running and my asthma seemed to slowly ease. I kept at it for six months straight, on it every day for at least an hour. I found my thing! My anxiety cleared up and I lost a lot of weight that I didn’t realize I had put on over the years. I was finally motivated to try and be a runner.

But I still felt that there was no way that I could BE a runner. I wasn’t trained, I didn’t have coaches, I never did track or cross country competitively. I had no clue what I was really doing. But, I heard about a running group called the Seattle Frontrunners, which welcomes all abilities and the LGBTQ+ community. I began with a track workout that kicked my butt! But I also began going to Saturday runs. I was consistently the slowest and last one to finish. I still couldn’t BE, and WASN’T a runner.

But someone told me: if you show up and do the work, you’re a runner. You don’t have to be the strongest or best at it. What makes you a runner is determination and dedication. I stayed dedicated, even on the really LONG Tuesday nights, in the cold and rain, I forced myself to show up and put in the effort. But I still had my doubts. I could NEVER run a half-marathon. NEVER! But, just a couple weeks ago, I finished my first half-marathon ever, even beating my goal time by 14 minutes! I’m SHOOK! Thanks to Seattle Frontrunners, I finally felt like I could be a runner…like I AM a runner. Now, I’d be lost without running and am encouraging others to fulfill their running desires! I signed up to run another half-marathon in a couple of weeks, and couldn’t be more excited. My next goal: running my first marathon. Look out, here I come!

I Could Never BE a Runner, by Nick Ness